Bacon Bits

moving

2005-06-13T23:07:00.000-07:00

Since I'm moving in real life this month, I figure that it's also a good time to move in the virtual world.

My blog continues on at LiveJournal, where all the cool kids are at:

"okay with my decay"

Bacon Bits was already taken at LJ, so I had to borrow a Grandaddy song title.

See you there.

secret squirrel at sunset

2005-06-03T23:50:00.001-07:00

secret squirrel at sunset
Originally uploaded by baconbits.

secret squirrel at sunset

2005-06-03T23:50:00.000-07:00

secret squirrel at sunset
Originally uploaded by baconbits.

big day at the movies

2005-05-19T19:19:00.000-07:00

Okay, I'm a total geek but I had to go see the new Star Wars movie today. Aside from the first one (or "fourth one" if you're a storyline timeline traditionalist) I've been at every opening day for every film in the series. When "Return of the Jedi" came out my Mom actually waited in line for us so we could still go to school. She's good like that.

This time around I bought the tickets online, weeks in advance. Sam met me at the Cinerama about an hour before the show. We were closer to the back of the line than the frothy front, but we still scored decent seats.

I guess the movie has already been leaed to the internet. But I can't imagine there'd be much of an audience out there in webworld, as virtually every computer nerd around was at the theatre today. Who else would stand in the hot sun for three hours in a full Darth Vader outfit?

Even better than the acne-prone types in costumes was this large woman who waddled away from the concession counter toting a large drink, box of red vines and a HUGE bucket of popcorn. She appeared to be alone as she shuffled over to the napkins and self-serve butter dispenser. Shoving her popcorn under the butter spigot, she jammed her thumb on the button, watched as the butter started to flow and then, with her thumb still attached to the machine, actually started looking around the lobby... like she was pumping gas and gonna be there for a while. Or maybe she was looking for someone to help her eat all that food?? I was waiting for her to actually start whistling.

The movie was good and I already want to see it again, maybe in a month or two. My sky-high expectations weren't exceeded, but I'm happy they were at least met.

the good, the bad, the bronzed

2005-05-03T22:18:00.000-07:00

What rocked about Coachella 2005:

-Beating all the traffic on Friday and heading straight to El Mirasol for food and margaritas when arriving in Palm Springs.
-Ray’s backstage parking pass, resulting in a fast and pain-free journey to and from the show.
-Scoring VIP wristbands for myself, Brad and Lisa for both days. Thanks Allison! (again)
-Walking into the Sahara tent early on Saturday for Tiga and immediately getting a full-body rush (while completely sober) as everyone started going nuts.
-The 2.5 songs I saw The Kills perform. Holy fucking shit were they good. And sexy as hell.
-Misha making a fake wristband from a piece of pipe tape and using it to get in VIP the lounge all night.
-Bauhaus opening their set with “Bela Lugosi’s Dead,” the entire song performed by Peter Murphy while hanging upside down like a freaky bat.
-Perfect weather: mid/high 80s during the day, mid 60s at night.
-Staying in shorts all day and night.
-Brad bullshitting someone at the gate to get us past the clusterfuck crowd and into the URB and SPIN afterparties.
-Scoring a free pair of new Jack Purcell shoes at the SPIN party.
-Sooooo many hot, shirtless guys.
-Not having to deal with being the hotel room wrangler.
-Hearing some big news from some close friends and managing to keep it a secret all weekend long.
-Miss Kittin surprising everyone with a kick-ass set.
-Café Tacuba’s extended synchronized dance moves executed by all five frontline players.
-New Order playing a killer Joy Division trifecta: Atmosphere, Transmission and Love Will Tear Us Apart.
-Discovering much more than hype behind Bloc Party and The Bravery.
-That incredible green floppy hat worn by Megan's friend from NYC whose name I know I'd spell wrong.
-Finally finding Lydia just before Nine Inch Nails and dragging her deep into the crowd for a slow dance to “Hurt.”
-Making a last-minute decision to stay for the triumphant return of The Prodigy, who closed out Sunday night by making the entire Sahara tent go absolutely apeshit.
-High-fiving, handshaking and hugging total strangers who you just happened to be having the time of your life with.
-The girls who directed me into the ladies room trailer to use the “secret urinal.”
-Not getting sunburned.
-Better art, slightly smaller crowd.
-The post-Coachella pool party where Tabitha won the “Never Laughed So Hard in My Life” award.
-Lots of quality time with my unbeatable L.A. friends.

What sucked:

-Having paid for my tickets but never actually using them, as we walked in with Ray through the backstage entrance. Bright side: I never got searched.
-Never hooking up with my hot new buddy Bill after a valiant effort on both parts. Next time, my friend, you’re pitching a tent with ME.
-Finding out too late about Todd’s DJ set.
-Missing Kasabian, Ben Watt, Stereophonics and Coldplay completely.
-The Arcade Fire… though I’d give them another chance as my biggest complaint with what I experienced was the crappy sound, which may have been due to the wind that suddenly kicked up.
-Missing MIA, which I wasn’t bummed about since I’ll be seeing her next week but apparently the massive crowd she attracted was momentarily chased away by a swarm of bees, and that I would’ve liked to have seen.
-Not making it to the Grandaddy Talkscape Gathering house to meet a bunch of online pals, and also not making it to the B-sides house or the “much nicer yet cheaper” other house of friends.
-James Lavelle (aka UNKLE) making no effort to mix his records and ending with U2’s “Where the Streets Have No Name.”
-Not seeing Beck, for the first time ever at Coachella.
-The VIP food not cutting the mustard.
-Lack of quality starsightings.
-Never running into Kirsten, Gary, David, Allie, Todd, and many others.
-Shelley, Abe & Louie not being there.
-Tearing myself away from the pool to pack my bags.
-Carrying the new Fischerspooner record home after Megan gifted it to me.
-I wish my tan was a little darker.

crunch time

2005-04-26T16:03:00.000-07:00

I'm about one month away from going into production on my Market Report TV gig. Everything's looking good... except me. Not that I'm looking that bad; I've got a nice base tan, my beard is finally in shape (though I'll probably shave it off for the show) and my pal Lara at Baba Louise in Ballarad knows exactly how to do my hair. But I really need to shed a few pounds (okay, more than a few) to make up for the pounds the camera will undoubtedly add... and the extra pounds I'm showing without the aid of cameras.

Tomorrow I'm heading down to L.A. for a few days and out to Palm Springs for the Coachella fest and pool time with loads of pals. It will undoubtedly be a debaucherous week, even if I'm only sipping my favorite desert drink, the "Please Mister, Please" (vodka with half tonic half soda one lime and two slices of cucumber) that Shelley and I invented one spring after seeing Olivia Newton-John play the parking lot of an Indian casino in Desert Hot Springs. You can sip a LOT of those drinks when it's open bar at the after-party and you're off your face to start with. They go as well with sunrise as sunset.

So after I get back, it's time to get serious. Which means in addition to eating lots of celery sticks (and little else) I'll probably have to go on the wagon. So if you see me out and about with a beer in my hand, feel free to give me shit. Or, better yet, give me an ice-cold decaffeinated diet beverage. Or even your basic h2o. The one nice thing about the lame kidney stone I suffered through recently was learning to love water all over again. That and having a relatively pleasant experience at the Ballard Swedish Hospital emergency room at 4 am.

Also, I'll be spending even more time at 24 Hour Fatness. Which hasn't been that bad lately. Especially with classes like this..

sights and sounds

2005-04-18T00:31:00.000-07:00

Had a great time seeing VHS or Beta last night at a free Neumo's show with Electric Six and Mixmaster Mike. Abe got me into this band, due in no small part to their Duran Duran connection. I like their record but they sound even better live, very disco fun without the cheese factor. Even the hooded b-boys out for Mike were getting down, exposing a welcome amount of boxer-clad waistlines.

VHS or Beta get compared to everyone from Depeche Mode to The Cure to Daft Punk to Duran Duran, the latter of which they opened for recently. My analogy would be Rinocerose with Robert Smith as the lead singer... modern, funky French beats with lots of arena rock guitar, sometimes with very 80s sounding 'howl' vocals, sometimes no lyrics/singing at all. You'd never guess they were from Louisville... except maybe for the bass player, who didn't quite pull off the irony with his mullet and 70s cop mustache. In any case, a good time even with the hour-long wait for them to take the stage.

Later on the drive off of Capitol Hill, I was intrigued by a seemingly innocuous sight: a big yellow school bus. Kind of uncommon to see one rolling down Pine at the midnight hour. “Maybe it’s a field trip,” I thought as I pulled up alongside. At first I couldn’t see anyone aboard the brightly lit bus, then noticed two older gentlemen sitting in the second and third rows. And all was explained when I spotted a sign in the front window: NW Bears Spring Thaw Shuttle Bus. How sexy is that, being driven between homo hotspots on a big ol’ bright yellow school bus? Guess you’d have to try it yourself to know for sure. I’d at least ask them to turn the interior lights down…

We've all been there...

2005-04-07T22:08:00.000-07:00

You know when you’re at a free five-course dinner in a circus tent with a bunch of wacky singing waiters and trapeze artists and Martha Davis of the Motels running her hands over your face and they’ve comped your bar tab too and you love that one crazy couple at your table but loathe the other two so you and your date and the cool couple just keep drinking and drinking and drinking, just for fun and because you can and kind of in spite of the lame couple (one of whom actually made ‘crucifix fingers’ at you when you said you were from L.A.) and you thought this whole thing might be torture but well over three hours later you’re the last people to leave and there’s a staff party going on in the lobby so you stay and start drinking champagne and checking out the busboys until you spill a second glass of bubbly all over your jeans and when you come back from cleaning yourself up in the bathroom and walk over to your table some random dude steps in and says “Excuse me” and takes away what you thought was your glass of champagne but leaves two behind so you might’ve been drinking his or he might’ve been cutting you off in the most discreet way possible and you’re too drunk to know for sure and definitely too drunk to care either way?

That totally happened to me last night.

I woke up naked, on top of the bed, all the lights on, tangled up in my bulky ProDJ headphones and iPod which had apparently been blasting "Since U Been Gone" by Kelly Clarkson over and over and over again, all night long. Which I'm guessing might be a situation that even more people could find themselves in.

Right????

Attack of the Jones

2005-04-06T16:45:00.000-07:00

I'm stealing this item from a post Marc Spice made on Friendster, but I'm sure he'll support my rebroadcast as it it's totally worth repeating.

"Grace goes OFF!"

my time for me

2005-03-27T20:31:00.000-08:00

I'm finally home for good after two months away. (Until next week, when I'll be heading back up to Birch Bay to see my parents.) I'll probably be spending a lot more time up there, as the Bunkhouse will soon be liveable with a myriad of small/medium projects to go. My brother and I did get a lot accomplished in a week, even with me having tons of "work work" and instant-turnaround deadlines while up there. I'd wake up in the morning, check my email, do some work, walk up to the cabin, do some work up there, go back to my other work, on and on. There were several days that I spent all day at the cabin, then would work until midnight on my stuff for clients. I'm still exhauseted.

I don't think I've ever spent that much time alone with just my bro, it was an interesting experience. We are very different people but somehow got along very well. I was more 'concept' and he was more 'execution' but we worked well together and had some fun. The most fun I had was when we decided to paint the whole place one night after dinner. I just function better at night. Or maybe after a martini, as we'd had before eating. It was fun doing something even semi-creative as opposed to scrubbing, scraping, hauling, etc. And it turned out great. Meanwhile, my brother was ripping apart the bathroom and re-building an entire wall. He wins the Bob Vila award for this round.

I wasn't planning to do anything today but wound up having brunch with Diana and dinner with Paula & Mark. Paula busted out the PAAS egg dyeing stuff and that was fun to mess with while the champagne flowed. I taught them the ancient Bacon art of "egg butting." Paula was the champ, knocking me out in the second round. Sorry Mark, maybe next year.

If I didn't have a 9 am meeting tomorrow I would SO be at the Eagle right now. Instead I think I'm off to bed. I can already feel a nasty headache coming on from too many "Jelly Bird Eggs," the only Easter candy that matters.

Tomorrow I finally get back to work on my farmer's market report, starting with a 9am meeting with someone who will either make or break this project. Why I scheduled such an important meeting for 9am is beyond me. I was probably thinking, after a two-month postponement, "the sooneer the better."

you're soaking in it

2005-03-16T10:40:00.000-08:00

I'm back in Seattle, at least for the next three days. I'll be heading back up to Birch Bay on Saturday to join my brother in an attempt to get the new cabin in better shape. Naturally, now that I'm back home, the unsually warm weather has vanished. The same way the unusually wet weather followed me to California.

Oh what a massive mountain of mail was waiting for me here. Candace was kind enough to weed out all the flyers and circulars. But even I was surprised at how many magazines I've subscribed to. Damn those direct marketers!

One periodical I never tired of is the monthly Eagle Magazine, sent to members of the Fraternal Order of the Eagles. And yes, that would include me. It was a Christmas present, years ago. For whatever reason, I keep renewing my membership. Wait, here's a good reason: when visiting an Aerie more than 50 miles away from your "home Aerie" (the one you're a member of) your second drink is FREE! Hooray for subsidized alcoholism with a salty salute to drunk driving.

Anyway, my favorite feature in Eagle Magazine actually appears in the pages for the Auxiliary (that's the ladies) members. Right next to the smiling face of P.G.M.P. Linda L. Heffner, Assistant to the Grand Madam President, Grand Auxiliary Office Coordinator (she writes the column "Auxiliaries Want To Know" answering all your protcol questions) is the monthly "Cook's Corner" column. It never ceases to amaze me. The majority of the recipes that appear are of the "no bake" variety, and commonly include frightening, mass-produced ingredients such as Velveeta, Miracle Whip and canned vegetables. I really need to clip and save them all.

Here's a start for your own files:

APPLE DUMPLING

2 Granny Smith apples
2 tubes crescent rolls
1 1/2 cup sugar
2 sticks butter
1 teaspon cinnamon
12 oz. can Mountain Dew soda

Peel apples and cut into 1/8s. Wrap each section in a crescent roll. Place in baking dish. Mix butter (melted), sugar and cinnamon and pour over the dumplings. Then pour Mountain Dew over everything. Bake for 45 minutes at 350.

I definitely want to try pouring Mountain Dew over everything!

Wanted in Whatcom County

2005-03-12T21:33:00.000-08:00

Greetings from beautiful Birch Bay, WA. I arrived back in Seattle on Friday to find that my kitchen was still under construction, contrary to previous reports. So I spent the night at Diana's, then came up to the beach this evening. Hopefully it will all be done by Monday. It had fucking better be!

Anyway, I'm up here all by my lonesome, which is actually great after a solid month of being a houseguest. One of my favorite pastimes up here is to read every and any local newspaper or magazine. Often interesting, usually informative, and almost always including something hysterical. The Northern Light, a local weekly focused on Blaine and Birch Bay, usually comes through in the laughs department thanks to the Letters to the Editor and Police Reports sections. But this week's winner comes from the Whatcom Independent classifieds:

WANTED: SOMEBODY TO GO BACK IN TIME WITH ME
This is not a joke. You'll get paid after we get back. Must bring your own weapons. Safety not guaranteed. I have only done this once before. 201-5045

That's the 360 area code for potential/willing time travelers.

Random in Redding

2005-03-09T10:01:00.000-08:00

On the road again. Stopped last night in Redding and wound up randomly selecting a hotel. Having an on-site restaurant was one of the selling points. And wow did they sell that point. The following is the restaurant’s manifesto that appears in the Guest Directory and on the menu cover:

C.R. GIBBBS AMERICAN GRILLE

“Where Rumors End and Legends Begin”

The American Grille is a place to enjoy great food or a casual drink in a fun, fast-moving atmosphere. Our staff will not only give you great service but they will show you the meaning of

“EATERTAINMENT!”

With an open exhibition kitchen, you can watch our Chef and his staff prepare your favorite wood fired pizza or rotisserie cooked chicken. [KB: Don’t chickens take hours to cook on a rotisserie? Would it even be that exciting to watch in less time?] You might even catch a glimpse of the magic flame, as one of our culinary artists deglazes a pan with his favorite liqueur, on his way to creating the evening special.

From a pint of “Guiness” to an icy cold “Budweiser” or a “Downtown Brown” our bar offers over 15 selections of beer and micro brews on tap. Our carefully selected wine list offers you a variety of California and Imported wines to satisfy the most sophisticated palette. [Yes, sic. They’re referring to the wooden shipping/bonfire material here.]

So come in, sit back, relax and enjoy the one place in Redding…
“Where Rumors End and Legends Begin”

I don’t have too much time to get into all of my own observations, but there was plenty more to keep me entertained, from the trying-way-too-hard food (I’ve never seen crushed pistachios dumped into an oil & balsamic bread dip… on purpose) to the singing kitchen staff.

I did ask the hostess, Amber, about the slogan “Where Rumors End and Legends Begin.” “What kind of rumors are you referring to,” I asked. “Did something awful happen here?” Amber laughed and tried to elaborate. “It’s like, when you asked me earlier what I liked on the menu, and I told you that I take the fish and chips home every night. So, now there’s a rumor you’ve heard that the fish and chips are really good. And you or someone else might hear that and try them, and then find out that the rumor is true.”

Let the Legend begin.

what wednesday night looks like in L.A.

2005-03-04T21:34:00.000-08:00

It was Wednesday night, it was El Coyote, it was Marty's birthday, it was a reunion of sorts, it was two groups of friends taking over the 'anything goes' back room, it was smoking in the girls room, it was throwing candy at strangers, it was way too many margaritas, it was making out on the sidewalk, it was when worlds collide and both turn out to be pinatas.

evidence

flashbacks

2005-02-28T16:13:00.000-08:00

If you can picture myself, Megan, Tally and Abraham dancing and jumping and screaming our heads off in the very front row of Duran Duran's sold out Staples Center show on Saturday, you might be able to imagine how I'm feeling today.

I didn't wake up on Sunday until 11:20, already making me 20 minutes late for a brunch in my honor being held across town. And by the time I arrived it was 11:50 and I could barely focus or speak. Suddenly, an angel appeared in a hot pink wig to answer my prayers: unexpected guest Miss Megan MacEachern came walking up with two bottles of champagne and two even more unexpected guests visiting from Canada. Thanks to them, the focus was shifted away from me, and I slunk out of the spotlight, into the kitchen for champagne and talks with friends 2-3 at a time.

The champage kept flowing all day on a gorgeous afternoon. Finally it was time to leave for Brad & Lisa's Oscar party. More bubbly with a new crowd. Tivo is the only way to tolerate the Oscars or any awards show. And it also helps to have in your audience some sharp-witted friends. Watched the LIVE post-party report on the local news stations for a bit (only in L.A.) and finally got to bed around 1 am.

Today it's Monday and the events of the weekend are finally catching up to me. My back is sore from jumping up and down at the show. My head is foggy and my stomach feels weird from the nonstop booze and whatnot assault that started Friday and never let up. But it's not all bad. I break out in the giggles when I think about meeting Simon Le Bon, or Nick Rhodes leaving a message on Shelley's answering machine. And getting down on Danielle's dancefloor at the after-after party was memorably funny, as was seeing someone who I used to think was hot wearing a terrible outfit, and wondering later whether or not it was a good idea to make out with that guy with braces. And I can only imagine what sort of impression I made on my ex-boyfriend's current dude, who I finally met for the first time near the end of the night, a.k.a. start of the morning.

I did manage to make it to the gym today, and that helped shake off a bit of the aftermath. I'll be there every day this week, as tonight kicks off four solid days and nights of lunches and dinners with clients and friends.

I thought living in Los Angeles was tough... but visiting town might be even more extreme.

working it out

2005-02-22T14:51:00.000-08:00

Just how boring has my life become here in San Diego? Here’s a perfect, hard-to-believe example: I’ve become a gym rat.

As a member of the 24 Hour Fitness chain, I can avoid working out wherever there’s a local outpost. I’ve avoided exercise everywhere from Honolulu to Houston. There happens to be a 24 Hour Fitness on Miramar Road, just about 10 minutes from my parents’ house. I’ve actually visited this gym a few times over the years, usually in a desperate effort to work off just one home-cooked meal.

But with the gym now being one of my few good reasons to leave the house, I’m really into it. It started slowly at first, a quick 30 minute workout on the cross-trainer. I was laughably sore the next day. But it also felt kind of good. So I went back the next day. And the day after that, until it became a daily routine. And once this week when I woke up unusually early, I actually went to the gym TWICE in one day.

The funny thing is, there’s zero incentive at this gym for anything other than working out. The clientele is not that hot, surprising given its location across from Miramar Marine Corps air station. But the Marines probably have their own concrete, steel and hidden webcam-studded facilities on base. I should borrow one of my parents’ cars with the military access stickers and do a little investigating. I’d probably be laughed right out of the building, if not actually thrown out for ogling. Or otherwise.

Back to my gym. It’s ugly, with whitish/pinkish walls. It’s not that big, only one story, about the size of a roller rink because that’s what this building used to house. There’s no pool. The steam room is decidedly un-titillating. There aren’t many TVs in the cardio areas and the few they have are tuned mostly to boring sports channels.

But have iPod, will work out. Thankfully I’ve got some really good breakbeat and hard house stuff on mine. It’s almost ancient in electronica terms, but it works.

I often wonder if people can tell that I’m actually kind of doing tiny dance moves in my cardio, or how clear it is that my pace and movements are tied to the music I’m listening to. At this gym, I couldn’t care less if anyone noticed. Maybe that’s why I’m having so much fun at the gym--- I’m following that horrible mantra seen on inspirational posters, greeting cards and online profiles: “dance like no one is watching.” Eeesh. I’d better stop thinking that way or I’ll never go back.

Actually, I’ve caught a few people checking me out. Not really in a “nice moves” kind of way…. more like, “Are you really a firefighter?” because I always wear a fire department t-shirt to the gym. It probably frightens people to think that I’m the guy coming to the rescue.

I was really looking forward to returning home with a Southern California tan. As we’ve had way more rain here than in Seattle, the only way that’s going to happen is if I pop into a Mystic Tan booth before I hit the road. Even a fake bake would look a lot better on a slightly tighter bod.

Besides the gym, I’ve been spending a lot of time online. So maybe my gym-going is also a result of wanting to have the kind of body that would allow me to pose shirtless on a webpage. Not that I would ever do that in a million years, at least not in some posed shot that I had a friend take for me, or the classic “headless man in the bathroom mirror” solo shot. But it would be nice to feel like I could do that, if I wanted to.

There is one nice shirtless shot of me up on the web for all the world to see. But in the picture I have the aesthetic advantage of being in a hot tub with my arm around a sexy, wet, shirtless and smiling guy. And I think the most attractive aspect of that picture is how happy and at ease we both seem, in general and with each other. I look at that picture when I want to remind myself how it feels to be truly comfortable, and how good that looks on me. It feels good to look good, whether from situps or satisfaction.

Will all this working out continue when I do get home? It had better. I’ve got televisions to appear on this summer.

The ins and outs and ups and downs and pros and cons and on and on

2005-02-19T11:34:00.000-08:00

The weather here in San Diego is behaving so much like Seattle’s. Rain one minute, blue skies the next. It’s kind of like that inside as well as outside, at least at my house.

The day I arrived back in San Diego (Tue Feb 15) was my parents’ anniversary. I got home around noon. On that day, Mom was having a lot of pain. But she didn’t want to take any pain meds because she was afraid she’d sleep through dinner with my Dad. And when she finally broke down to take the medicine, she also broke down to me, sobbing uncontrollably and begging me to make sure I stayed home for dinner so my Dad wouldn’t be alone on their anniversary. But I managed to calm her down and just stayed close to her and tried to convince her that everything would be okay.

Surprisingly to all, it actually turned out okay. The meds got her pain under control enough that she was able to take a snooze and later join Dad and I for dinner. My parents opened some anniversary cards and presents, including my contribution of a Ganeesh idol that I picked up at Uncle Jer’s in L.A. “Removes Obstacles” said the little identifying card next to Ganeesh, which of course made it the perfect gift. So now there’s a little brass elephant-shaped idol hanging out with all the other angels and totems and healing knickknacks that people have sent.

Ganeesh may have done the trick (or just timed his arrival right), because the next day was my Mom’s first pain-free day since November. And the day after that was pretty good too. We actually got out to run a few errands together, had some laughs over “The Office” DVD that I brought and had my brother and nephews over for dinner.

Now we’ve entered another phase, this one with its own unique mix of good and bad.

My Mom is currently riding high on steroids, part of the chemo regimen that she began again yesterday. This time they fitted her with a little “to go” type fanny pack (though she’s wearing it in a much cooler ‘messenger bag’ style) so the treatment is happening right here at home. And when Mom’s on steroids, she’s almost back to her version of “normal.” But in the immortal words of Dr. Kimberly Shaw, just before she blew up the building on “Melrose Place”--- “It’s not what you think. It’s worse.” Because my Mom, who has a tendency to overthink and fret over the tiniest details, is micro-managing every move my Dad or I attempt to make, and thinking aloud about people and places and dates to remember and notes to write and, above all else, things to buy. “We should get some daffodils from the farmer’s market.” “You should go to Costco, look at the tires, then go back tomorrow and get them.” “When I’m feeling better we’re going to eat at new restaurants, it’s time to break out of this rut. Let’s look at some menus now.”

While it’s encouraging to see my Mom in this energetic state, I must admit that it’s also annoying when she’s so overboard. And my poor Dad! He’s the one who does all the running around, as neither he nor my Mom seem to want me to ever leave the house. My main role is phone and door answerer, which keeps me surprisingly busy. And I do much of the housework. But oh my GOD would I love to be entrusted with something as minor as the grocery list, just to have something to do, a reason to go somewhere. I know my parents are just happy to have me around, but I’m starting feel like… a pet. Like a talking, colorful bird or a big lazy dog.

At the same time, I’m really torn about leaving. I want to but I don’t. I need to but I can’t. I still haven’t told my parents that I’m probably leaving Thursday and probably not coming back. I might stick around longer based on my Mom’s condition, work stuff and other factors. But things have got to change. I’m just sort of stagnating here. I don’t have enough to do to help out at home, so I feel useless and bored. Meanwhile, I have tons of projects of my own that could use some attention, from my taxes to my TV show to my website. But it’s hard to even get started on them, especially without a place to really do any work.

I guess the numerologist lady was right on when she said that as a Libra, I need balance and control over my environment. But with my Mom going from meltdown to micromanagement over the course of a few days, it’s tough to feel like I’m on steady ground. Or know which way to turn.

Ladies and Gentlemen....

2005-02-11T12:25:00.001-08:00

put your hands over your face for Miss Jackie Stallone!

"Jackie pix"

She's giving Jocelyn Wildenstein (aka The Lion Lady) a real run for her money in the plastic surgery department.

The pix are from the recent celebrity version of "Big Brother," a UK reality-type game show that I got hooked on last summer.

I actually walked right past Jocelyn on the streets of Manhattan once... wow! I nearly had a heart attack. Right up there with meeting Tammy Faye as one of my most treasured/disturbing celebrity encounters.

Stupor Bowl side note

2005-02-10T22:23:00.000-08:00

Have to backtrack for a moment to relay something funny from Sunday.

I always attend the Stupor Bowl party (and have actually thrown it a few times) because it's the one party of the year where you know you'll see some old cronies who you won't see for another year. Strange how people always seem to return to it, given the Super Bowl association that the majority of my friends could care less about. But we always have great DJs... myself included!

Anyway, this year one of those 'once a year' people was Thea, an ex-girlfriend of Adam's. We said hellos at first, then chatted a bit later on, then found ourselves side-by-side on the dancefloor and had a hilariously good time bumping and grinding together.

And later, after the party was over and the lights were on, the guy who brought the sound system (old-school Moontriber Christian) came over to Thea and me and said, in all seriousness, "I really liked the way you guys were moving together out there." Which of course prompted us to fall all over ourselves in slightly self-conscious laughter.

One minute you're trying to remember each other's names, the next you're wowing the crowd with your synchronized dance moves. That's the kind of company I like to keep.

So Cal in slow motion

2005-02-10T13:39:00.000-08:00

I’m in San Diego now with my folks. Spent Saturday and Sunday nights in LA at Abe & Louie’s fab new pad. The Stupor Bowl was a blast, a really good time and as usual a chance to catch up with some old friends. My DJ set was short but sweet, with a few choice tracks donated by DJ Freddy, King of Pants. Thanks Freddy! I got into some trouble that night. Good trouble! The kind of trouble where you're up too late and you do things that make you laugh and cringe a little the next day. But it was all good.

I was a bit of a mess when I finally woke up on Monday. After 15 minutes of quality pooch time with Spencer, I started running around the house, gathering my shit up. My Mom was still in the hospital, having been admitted Friday afternoon for a variety of reasons related to her cancer. She had made it clear that I was not to skip out on the Stupor Bowl, but now it was time to get my ass to San Diego and I was not in great shape.

Finally got my gear into my muddy, tape- and trash-littered truck and hit the road. In a classic flashback to my previous life in LA, the most pressing issue was finding gas and food and the shortest, fastest, most efficient way to get them and go. Just figuring out what to have for lunch is the kind of thing that used to take me hours in LA. I wound up sitting down to pad see yew at Mae Ploy in Echo Park, which was actually perfect as I didn’t realize until after I’d ordered and eaten that all my cash was gone. I forgot that I had given the last of my bills to Art for his post-party plans with some dude he'd met.

Afterwards it was my truck’s turn to get filled up. While pumping gas at a nearby station I was dumbstruck by just how LOUD everything was. I felt assaulted by a deafening roar of traffic, music, people, choppers, etc. It was really just a typical LA day, the kind of environment that I paid no mind to as an Angeleno. After less than a year away, I guess I’m already used to my quieter life on top of Queen Anne.

Finally made it to the hospital, just in time for my Mom to take a snooze. I went downstairs to the cafeteria and my phone rang. It was an agency I hadn't worked with in a while. Was I available for a meeting at 10 am the next morning? I kind of laughed and explained that I’d just left LA to be with my Mom in the hospital. “So…. you can’t make it then?” Uh, no. The only bad thing is that the project was for a client that had previously contacted me a few weeks ago to let me know they had a lot of projects for me between now and June. But this one just couldn’t be done.

My Mom finally came home from the hospital Wednesday morning. I’m now on “Mom watch” at home while my Dad does his thing at work. When I was down here in November, the drill was based around my Mom’s good days and bad days. Now it’s good hours and bad hours. This is going to be a very long month.

Time moves very slowly here at my parents’ house. I had some other projects that were due this week and I got them all done early. I spent fifteen minutes the other day throwing rocks at a huge lizard sitting out on the deck. It never moved, so I concluded it was dead and prayed that a cat or a gardener would come along to take care of it. A few hours later it was gone. I've made some really good pre-production progress on my TV show. I think I also need a book.

My back problems are starting to come back a bit. There’s not really a good place for me to sit and work here. You’d think in a two-story, four-bedroom house there might be one decent spot to plug in a laptop. You’d be wrong. My first night here, when I was really stressed out about my pending deadlines, I worked in bed until 1 am. When I got up, that old familiar stabbing pain came back. No more of that. I think I also need to keep up with the exercising and get back on some of the supplements I’d been taking. If I can survive a three-day drive down the entire west coast without any pain, I don’t want to start deteriorating here in a San Diego suburb. Which means I also need to stay out of my parents’ kitchen, which is stocked mostly with junk we’d filled our Christmas stockings with. Chocolate-covered “moose droppings,” anyone?

I’m hoping to make it back up to LA this weekend to see some more people, hit the MOCA opening on Saturday and maybe catch a show. Monday is, of course, Valentine’s Day (“fucking hearts”) but even better is that it’s also Tim’s birthday. And! Filet Mignon Night at Taix! So maybe I’ll stick around for that. Tuesday is my parent’s anniversary so I’m sure something will happen that night. If it’s a good day.

willows wino

2005-02-04T22:02:00.000-08:00

Greetings from Willows, CA.

The goal today in my drive south was to reach Redding, CA. When I made it there around 5 pm I decided to keep going until I couldn't take it any more. My new goal became Santa Nella, where there is nothing much but a lone Pea Soup Andersens' hotel, restaurant and BAR. I have always wanted to throw back a few in the vaguely Bavarian-themed Pea Soup Lounge. Sadly, I couldn't possibly have made it, as my time calculations would've had me arriving around 10pm, just as the bar would be closing. (I called and checked)

Instead I wound up in Willows, which isn't all bad. I have free high-speed internet in my room, not wireless as promised by the plastic banner out front but it'll do. The one thing that really sucks about my room is that the TV is off to the side of the bed instead of at the foot, but after adjusting both the furniture and my position in bed it will be fine. I tried moving the bed itself but it seems to be attached to some sort of ancient hydraulic-type system. I didn't do too much poking around back there-- ignorance of what's lying behind my hotel bed is my only hope for semi-blissful sleep.

It's quite funny that I ended up here in Willows, because I actually was thinking about this town today but forgot the name. On my drive/move up to Seattle in April, I stopped here to pick up some KFC to eat later in my train-car room in Dunsmuir, about 90 minutes north. While at KFC I asked the chicken handlers if there was a liquor store nearby, as I had learned that neither the restaurant nor 'bar car' would be open at my beloved Railroad Park Inn in Dunsmuir, where I was planning to stay. Turns out there was a liquor store right across the street.

I walked in and there was a line of migrant worker types waiting to get their Bud Light rung up. I wanted some wine, and I was pleasantly surprised to see a dark, paneled room near the back with dusty wrought-iron wine displays. And as I poked around in there, I was even more pleasantly surprised to see all these reasonably priced, fairly decent wines. They even had quite a few Australian/New Zealand wines, which I love. But here's the best part: business was not booming in that particular department, as indicated by the cobwebs and dust. So all these okay wines had been sitting there on the darkened shelves, literally gathering dust for who knows how long... in other words: cellared! At their original low-rent prices! I think I bought six bottles.

So I was thinking about that place today and meaning to keep my eyes open for shitty, out-of-the-way liquor stores. And it wasn't until after I checked in here and went wandering around Willows that I located that very same store. Perhaps I told too many people that story from my drive up, because the selection was not as good. But I still got some really great deals on what I hope will turn out to be really fantastic wines. A 97 Mondavi merlot for 8 bucks is nothing to sneeze at... even if it is covered in dust.

hooray for hollywood

2005-02-02T14:06:00.000-08:00

In my line of work, it’s not uncommon to get confusing or downright contradictory direction from my clients. It’s really not surprising anymore and totally comes with the territory.

This is, after all, an industry where we sometimes resort to a “mis-direct,” which involves setting the audience up for one type of emotion/experience, only to do a fast switch. Surprise! It’s actually this kind of movie! This can actually work well for either horror movies or comedies, but it’s a trick that’s been done to death.

The other trick we sometimes pull is to tell our own version of the story, focusing on the most “sellable” aspect of a film and making it seem like that’s what the movie is all about. For example, I once worked on a depressing movie about drug abusers that became (in our trailer) a sexy movie about star-crossed lovers.

And sometimes you get direction that just makes you laugh out loud. The all-time best I ever heard was, “We want something like, ‘In space, no one can hear you scream.’ But funnier.”

Last week I was working on a movie about a girl with unbelievable luck. I was really happy with the job I did, with my one concern being that I might’ve been a little too edgy/racy, as the audience for this movie is strictly teenage girls.

Surprise! The client felt my stuff was “too old-fashioned,” that I needed to be more hip and current.

So what do they want instead? “Position her like Ann-Margaret, Mary Tyler Moore or ‘That Girl.’”

I’m fairly certain that most teenage girls have never even heard of any of those examples, and doubt that an average 15 year-old would relate to them. But that’s studio logic for you. It doesn’t get more Hollywood than that.

Coachella 05 lineup announced!

2005-01-31T10:24:00.000-08:00

Wow! Looks like I'll be spending both days at the fest again this year.

What a great mix of new and "old." Cocteau Twins under the desert stars gives me chills. Actually, this whole lineup gets me all goosebumpy.

Sat April 30

Coldplay
Bauhaus
Weezer
Cocteau Twins
Chemical Brothers
Wilco
Keane
Snow Patrol
Rilo Kiley
Cafe Tacuba
Doves
Sage Francis
Amin Van Buuren
Raveonettes
Bloc Party
Mercury Rev
Fantomas
Hernan Cattaneo
Zap Mama
DJ Peretz
Secret Machines
Jamie Cullum
M83
Ambulance LTD
Four Tet
MF Doom
Josh Wink
Amp Fiddler
Tiga
The Kills
Donovan Frankenreiter
Spoon
Boom Bip
Katie Melua
DJ Marky
Immortal Technique
Jean Grae
Razorlight
Swayzak
Radio 4
Buck 65
Eisley
Sexy Magazines
k-os

Sunday May 1

Nine Inch Nails
New Order
Bright Eyes
Gang of Four
Prodigy
Black Star
The Faint
Roni Size
Arcade Fire
Roots Manuva
DJ Krush
Thrice
Junkie XL
MIA
British Sea Power
Dresden Dolls
Miss Kittin
Fiery Furnaces
Aesop Rock
Perceptionists
Jem
Autolux
Sixtoo
Tegan & Sara
Stereophonics
The Bravery
Matthew Dear
Diplo
Subtle
Beans
Shout Out Louds
Futureheads
Sloan
Kasabian
Blood Brothers
Matmos
Wolf Eyes
Gram Rabbit
Smokestacks
Zion I

bravo

2005-01-29T13:21:00.000-08:00

To the tranny performer at Pho Bang last night who did the deaf-mute lip-synch performance of Cher's "I Found Someone," thank you for making me nearly wet my pants.

I pray I'm wearing Depends the next time I see something that funny.

dance dance revolution

2005-01-24T22:00:00.000-08:00

Aside from some things I've seen in stage shows and on television, I think I’ve attended maybe one modern dance performance in my entire life. Until this month, when I saw three.

Two were last Saturday at On The Boards. Carlos invited me to join him for a double-bill show, and so far I’ve been pretty impressed with everything I’ve seen at OTB so I took him up on the offer.

The first performance was not very good. I spent the first 5?10?15? minutes (it felt like forever) trying to figure out what was going on, how I was supposed to feel, what the point/purpose was. There were two women dressed as stewardesses walking very slowly with two women dressed in white-blond mop top wigs, the latter also in lederhosen and walking on their knees. It wasn’t until one of the mop tops climbed onto a serving cart and started eating a gingerbread house that I made the Hansel & Gretel connection. Having the slightest clue about what was going on made it a bit better, and the witch who eventually appeared was kind of creepy-cool. But then it just got weird again. And boring. And lame.

During the intermission, everyone we talked with pretty much hated it. Oh well— I’d rather have a “bad” experience than no experience at all. Fortunately the second performance was much better. It was a local group called Locust, and they definitely had a more familiar, Capitol Hill-esque attitude and flair that everyone totally tapped into. There was a video element to their production that had everyone laughing, and the way they staged elements of the performance offstage was intriguing and effective. I was very impressed.

But even Locust paled in comparison to what I’d seen the previous weekend: Buttrock Suites II: Sweeter. Modern dance interpretations of heavy metal music. God was it good! And hysterical, like the opening number where the dancers emerged in slo-mo through a cloud of fog, all dressed in 80s rocker regalia, to the synth faux-horns opening of Europe’s pop-rock hit, “The Final Countdown.”

Not every number was played strictly for laughs. In fact, may favorite was the Joan Jett medley, with four female dancers dressed in ripped black clothing getting all sexy and sassy with each other and flashing their tits at the audience. I actually got chills at one point – it was that good! Or maybe that was just the $2 PBR they were encouraging the audience to consume. No, it was the performance. The crowd got really into it, for a dance performance anyway—whooping and cheering and holding lighters in the air during the medleys. Diana and Candace came with and they loved it too. Hope there’s a Buttrock Suites 3.

Looking forward to doing a lot of dancing myself at the Scissor Sisters show at the Paramount on Thursday! Josh rocks for scoring us sold-out tix for the 21+ dancefloor. Their show last year at Neumo’s was fun but that was before I had the album, which I now love, so this should be even better.

what a difference a day makes

2005-01-21T22:19:00.000-08:00

It took me all of 24 hours to reach a few important, attitude-altering conclusions about my upcoming month away:

1. Driving myself down will give me the freedom to come and go whenever/wherever I want. Duh. And I can see some friends along the way. And while I'm in LA, I might just buy myself a new car for the ride home.

2. I can get a ton of necessary stuff accomplished while I'm in SoCal: get my taxes done, do research & planning for the show (some of which will be as simple as watching my LA-based inspiration, Huell Howser, on TV), meet with new clients and catch-up with others, make plans with my family for our upcoming Alaska adventure, and even get a haircut from James, stylist to the stars!

3. I'm going to have a fucking blast! The Dim Sum Club has invited me to join them on a trek to Monterey Park. I'm thinking this might also be a good opportunity to see the Palm Springs Follies 'cause I'm definitely planning to spend some time out there. Finally get to check out some fun new clubs I've been hearing about, including Akbar's "Dirty House." And there a ton of great concerts coming up, including Duran Duran @ Staples (and as this is the night before the Oscars, you know it's gonna be celeb-heavy), Interpol @ Grand Olympic, Luna & Midnight Movies @ El Rey. I have a sneaking suspicion that there might be a Grandaddy & Earlimart gig in LA next month as well.

4. Finally, and most importantly of all, my Mom is very excited I'm coming. And my time with her comes before all the above.

They're back. I'm off.

2005-01-20T14:00:00.000-08:00

My parents left the Mayo Clinic today. The good news, if you can call it that, is that the course of treatment my Mom had been undergoing in San Diego was determined to be her best bet. The bad news is that there was no magical Mayo silver bullet, which I think we were all holding out hope for. They still aren't even sure exactly what kind of cancer it is. But a world-renowned team of Mayo Clinic doctors decided that surgery was out (for now) and put her back on the long, uncertain road of chemo treatment we started on.

People ask me "How are you doing with all this" and there is no adequate or accurate answer. My official role in the family is Mr. Power of Positivity, so I'm trying to keep that going externally at least. And when I'm home, I'm the Minister of Good News/Bad News, aka "Phone Grinch" by some of my Mom's friends who call way too often for updates and get sort of huffy when I won't wake my Mom up out of a chemo-induced coma so they can chit-chat with her. In short, there's a lot of spin going on. But the situation is so uncertain, I feel like it's better to focus on the positive and best possible outcome. Even if I don't always believe it myself.

In other major life-disrupting news, I finally got the schedule for my kitchen remodel: Feb 7 - Mar 4. That's if everything goes well and on schedule. I'm having to apply a lot of spin tactics to this as well: I'm getting a new kitchen! This is a perfect opportunity to get out of town! See my Mom! Visit friends and clients in LA! Relax in Palm Springs! Do some work on the cabin in Birch Bay!

The overriding problem is that the timing just stinks. I have so many things I could (and should) be doing here in Seattle, especially with a pending May start-date for my local TV production. But staying here is not an option. A well-informed source recently told me that as a Libra, creating a comfortable environment is very important for me, as well as a sense of balance, order and control. So trying to live through a kitchen remodel is out for sure. And spending the next month away, not by choice, is also a tough nut to swallow. I'm sure my outlook will change once I'm floating in a Palm Springs pool with some friends I miss terribly. What's weird is that I used to have no problem leaving LA for weeks, just to hang out in Seattle. I guess I really like it here. Love it even.

And they're off.

2005-01-17T14:13:00.000-08:00

My Mom & Dad arrived at the Mayo Clinic on Sunday. 'IT'S COLD IN ROCHESTER' read the subject line of the first email from them. Some other town in Minnesota apparently reported temperatures of 54 below zero. 'Brrr' would be just the beginning of the understatement.

Apparently the whole town of 89,000 is built entirely around the Mayo Clinic. The whole downtown is connected by skywalks and underground tunnels to the clinic. Every hotel/motel makes some mention of the M.C. on their signboards. It sounds to me like the Disneyland of Life-Threatening Illnesses, a comment which was almost enough to make my Mom laugh.

A whole lot of emotions hanging in the balance right now. Fingers and toes crossed accordingly.

wham! bam! thank you "ma'am!"

2005-01-13T23:51:00.000-08:00

Checked out a Seattle Thunderbirds hockey game last night with Mike and Diana. A fine way to spend two hours and ten bucks.

Sweaty boys in bulky gear, wielding sticks, smashing glass, taking swings, pulling no punches. And most fearsome of all: a white trash woman with painted purple nails, taunting the guy from the other team who got put in the penalty box after fighting (and losing), her sitting three feet away with one inch of plastic between them. “YOU GOT YOUR ASS KICKED BY A ROOKIE!” All he could do was lower his head.

We lost. But we’ll be back.

The Surreal Life 4

2005-01-12T19:58:00.000-08:00

On Sunday I was over at Dave & Jake’s to watch the premiere of “The Surreal Life” season 4. Kelly and Hannah were there too. All of us nearly died. The show has finally reached its zenith, I think… but in this case is that a high point or a low point?

I think the only thing I’ve ever seen that was more cringeworthy was this old educational film from the 60s that was produced to teach mentally-handicapped girls about feminine hygiene. And the only thing I’ve ever seen that made me laugh harder was "Casual Fridays," also presented by Dave & Jake. I’m very lucky to have friends so like-minded in enjoyably warped ways.

We all laughed hysterically, painfully even. And after it was over, someone mentioned feeling "dirty.” Perhaps that explains why I came home and cleaned my office until 2 am. Thank you, nude and inebriated Verne Troyer, for turning me into a white tornado.

Looking forward to more exciting episodes...

CATCH THE WAVE!!

2005-01-10T13:34:00.000-08:00

CATCH THE WAVE!!
Originally uploaded by baconbits.

This photo along with that headline (CATCH THE WAVE!!!) arrived in my inbox as spam, promoting some sort of business opportunity "with the man who created the infomercial!" Ugh.

Not that spam was ever known for tastefulness or tact. But in our post-tsunami times, this really sucks.

waking up in the snow

2005-01-09T23:10:00.000-08:00

This is the first time I’ve ever lived in a part of the world where they actually have winter. I spent most of my years in Southern California, where it certainly gets colder around this time of year but is nothing compared to this.

This morning I woke up sometime around 6:30 am. I hadn’t even made it to bed until 3, so I have no idea how it was that I had woken up.

I was thirsty after a night of drinking, but before I went for water I walked straight to my front door. And there it was, for the first time in my life: my world, covered in snow.

It was such a novel experience, all the wonder, excitement, curiosity and surprise I was feeling at once. When was the last time I had felt all that? Though I’d been obsessed with the weather reports for days, hoping that it might snow here in Seattle (and knowing that it likely would) it still came as such a surprise. I literally felt like a kid on Christmas, and the grogginess I awoke with vanished instantly. I threw on some sweats, grabbed my camera and went outside.

It was so quiet, and the sky was this very peculiar shade of orange, broken by gray clouds and darkness. The only sign of life was a single car in the distance, plowing across the Aurora Bridge. Knowing that their journey over Lake Union had to be a white-knuckler, my heart went out to the driver.

I took some pictures of the backyard then walked to the front of the house. Everything was covered in snow in such an unbelievably perfect way. It looked almost like the streets and trees and houses had somehow sprouted snow, every inch of frost a wonder of the kind that only nature can produce.

I walked down the front steps, careful to keep my footprints to the side of the walk, not wanting to disturb the pristine powder. But once I got into the street, there was no way to move without leaving tracks behind. I started walking, stopping to take pictures of untouched areas before I entered, then moving through.

A few times I would also turn to look at the tracks I’d left behind. And while I always felt the same sense of wonder and excitement looking forward, I experienced such a weird mix of feelings looking back. I finally stopped in the middle of the street, staring back at my path through the snow, trying to make sense out of a surge of emotions.

I’m usually really good at figuring things out. People, places, directions, destinations—I thrive on feeling like I know the story on all these sorts of things, whether through intuition or understanding. And when I draw a blank, or am just plain wrong, it really throws me for a loop. Especially when what I’m trying to figure out is myself.

Like a lot of issues I’ve had to wrap my head around lately, I’m still thinking about what I was feeling this morning, out there alone in the snow. This is as far as I’ve come in making a conclusion:

Every move makes an impact, no matter how seemingly small. You can’t undo what you’ve done. All you can do is remember how you got where you are, while moving on and looking forward to what lies ahead.

Perhaps it’s more complicated than that. But for where I’m at in my head, I think it’s a good place to start.

Conclusion #2: Maybe I should be writing Hallmark cards for a living.

orange bowl anarchy

2005-01-04T19:43:00.000-08:00

My parents called to remind me about the Orange Bowl game tonight. As a USC alumni, I should’ve been with my friends in Miami for the game. Or at least watching it on television. But I got sucked into Tsunami Watch and didn’t switch over to the game until the 2nd quarter.

Thank god I started watching in time for the halftime show, because it was exactly what I needed today: a huge joke.

It was moderately funny when they announced “superstar Ashley Simpson” and the crowd could be heard booing. And a good chuckle when the show was kicked off moments later by Kelly Clarkson and a dead microphone, with backing tracks kicking in to the rescue. And unbelievably funny that Ashlee Simpson sang both out of tune and time with her own backing vocals. Will she never learn?

But the most hysterical element of all was the huge “anarchy” symbol they had as a stage backdrop. You. Have. Got. To. Be. Fucking. Kidding. Me.

Suffice to say, the whole performance got an ever bigger boo at the bitter end. Except from me: I was laughing too hard.

Then a U2 video came on and reminded me of when/why I *stopped* liking them. That was a short second honeymoon! Actually the new album is not so bad, but Bono's vocals aren't what they used to be. Maybe he could pick up some backing track tricks from Ashley and Kelly.

divide and conquer

2005-01-03T22:37:00.000-08:00

After a disturbingly slow period for me work-wise, I picked up a brand-new client. As is often the case with new clients for me, they were pitching a new client themselves and needed a whip-smart writer (that's me) to help them out.

I thought the project wouldn't be happening until January, but I got the call on Wed, Dec 29 - it's a go! And! It's due Friday! And! We probably won't have the information you need to do your work until Thursday!

So I put my thinking cap on and starting brainstorming concepts... most of which would get tossed after I finally got the project brief on Thursday. I was a little worried about pulling this off: three separate web campaigns for two different fast food clients, which to me meant I had to present at least 15 concepts. They wanted edgy. They wanted breakthrough. They wanted viral. And they wanted it in less than 24 hours.

And if that wasn't stressful enough, I had a meeting with Brad that night. I had a Christmas present for him that was burning a hole under my tree. More importantly, I hadn't seen him since our relationship hit an iceberg. But we had at least lowered the terror alert level from "break up" to "time apart." Or so I had thought.

So I go to a bar to meet Brad. He's an hour late, not his fault, and actually good because it gave me some time to have a drink and...just...relax. He finally shows up and we exchange presents. He'd had a hefty chunk of his cd collection stolen from his car recently, so I bought him a new cd case and stocked it full of music that we both loved, with special emphasis on bands we'd seen together. It was my last attempt at a meaningful reconciliation. Aside from the gift itself, it failed miserably.

Because about an hour later, after Brad had told me how good I looked and how much he missed me and kept touching my leg, I finally asked him: "What's up with us?" Besides his last request of me weeks ago that I give him some time "without giving up" on him, he still had his Friendster profile listed as 'In a Relationship.' And as silly as that may sound, Friendster is how we met. And I still remember the day we both changed our profiles to 'In A Relationship,' and talking about how that felt and what a big deal it was for us both.

But apparently it was all for show. "I thought it was obvious that we weren't in a relationship," he said. I guess I should've expected as much from the guy who first mentioned any problems with our relationship by simply informing me that it was over.

The conversation got messy and confusing from that point. I left, horrified and humiliated. I called him when I got home, trying to figure out what happened, trying again to save our relationship or at least make sense of it. The one thing I remember him saying was, "I'm out." Tough to find a way around that. I hung up.

So I took a sleeping pill at midnight and went to bed and woke up at 4 AM anyway and sat down in front of my computer. And though I had this huge, insane deadline for a brand new client (and their brand new client), I started writing a letter to Brad. The letter was, I must admit, not very nice. But once I got a first draft done, I was finally able to get started on my work. And then I went back to the letter. And back to the work. It went on like this all fucking day; a sentence here, a few words there, me trying to concentrate but my emotions grabbing the wheel and veering me back and forth at a dizzying, disorienting rate.

I only took a break to keep an appointment with a dermatologist. And while sitting in the examination room, waiting for the doctor to come in, I actually thought I was having a heart attack. My chest started pounding and hurting and my teeth ached in a very weird and painful way. I described it to someone later and they said it was probably an anxiety attack, but I've never experienced anything like it. Thankfully it stopped after a few scary minutes, but for a moment I considered running out into the hallway and screaming, "A doctor! I need a REAL doctor!"

I came home and went back to work on both pressing projects. Finally, around 9:30 pm, I sent off the work. It wasn't due until the morning but I just wanted it sent and gone. And within a few hours the creative director (who also, apparently, spends too much time in front of his computer) had emailed me back: You did it. You kicked ass. This is awesome. You are amazing.

Today the work got presented to the client's client. They loved it too - my revisions were miniscule at most.

The letter to Brad I never sent. We did have an email exchange in the aftermath, but I think that's gonna be it. As hurt and confused as I am over what's happened with us, the thought of him hurting, or me hurting him, is weirdly the worst feeling of all. And I guess some letters are best written but never sent.

worth more than 1,001 words

2004-12-31T18:46:00.000-08:00

This artwork was posted on the Grandaddy message board today. I'm assuming it's the work of my prolific and talented pal, Aaron Burtch.

It's almost unreal how perfectly it sums up exactly how I feel on this night of nights.

Grandaddy to the rescue, again.

great expectations

2004-12-31T01:10:00.000-08:00

2005 can't get here fast enough. Of course it's silly to read too much into something as ultimately meaningless as the end of one year and the beginning of another. But for what's it worth, it works.

So many people, places and parties to choose from for the big switch. Will it be old friends or new flings? New places or familiar faces? I'm kind of shooting for a bit of both. And I definitely want to see some of the fireworks. After spending the last few weeks in a long, slow fizzle, I'm ready to fucking explode. In a really good way.

Shimmer on horizons, everyone. Happy New Year to you all.

He sees you when you're sleeping...

2004-12-21T14:11:00.000-08:00

Finally something good to come out of Florida:

"http://www.southflorida.com/news/sfl-scaredsanta.photogallery"

thank god it's them instead of you

2004-12-19T22:43:00.000-08:00

It's Sunday night and I'm still only semi-recovered from Diana & Mike's annual XXXmas party and Giftapalooza, which celebrated its 13th anniversary over the weekend here in Seattle.

This is the party where people bring some seriously fucked-up presents to unload on the unsuspecting random masses. You bring a present to put under the tree, then try your luck at picking out a new prize from what others have brought. It was a bit of a smaller crowd than in previous years, but the "quality" of presents (and people in attendance) was very, very high. So to speak.

New Seattle resident Sasha Krushnik made an inspired first impression with the present he brought: a bag of mushrooms. The poor girl who opened that was immediately bum-rushed.

Still, I think I may have been the recipient of the most popular present. And as Christmas is a time for sharing I let everyone at the party get a piece of the action, as you'll see from the photos I put together in a quicktime movie.

Download "hoho04.mov" from here:

"http://homepage.mac.com/keith_bacon/FileSharing2.html"

I'm back

2004-12-16T23:03:00.000-08:00

Not sure how I let the blog slip by me for so long. Maybe too busy, maybe too involved with other stuff. And now feels like a weird time to jump back in it with so much insanely heavy stuff going down in my life.

I think I'll keep this re-entry simple and just say hello. Again.

the second-worst thing...

2004-08-17T00:13:00.000-07:00

...anyone ever said to me was "You are so judgemental! Judge! Judge! Judge!"

Actually, it was more like they screamed it at me. This was about 10 years ago. I had recently come out, so it's hard for me to imagine myself as applying excessive scrutiny to others.

I guess maybe that sometimes, in some ways, I can be judgemental. I kinda prefer "doesn't suffer fools gladly" as my pal Heather once wrote in a Friendster testimonial about me.

I think I've always had an open mind, and probably my biggest complaint about other people is them not having the same. But having "Judge! Judge! Judge!" screamed at me certainly made an impression, and I've tried even harder since then to give the benefit of the doubt, the second chance (and third and fourth) and so on.

But this last weekend I found myself in two positions of judgement: at a talent show and a chili cook-off. And I thoroughly enjoyed myself.

I can't sit through or stomach American Idol, The Swan, The Grammys or any of the other horrific judge-fests that our society has gone bonkers for. But when it comes to chili and acts such as two dudes in bunny suits performing Phil Collins' "In the Air Tonight" while a guy in a Batman outfiit does an interpretive dance, I am definitely ready and willing to pass judgement.

Just the fact that I found myself in these two judegement positions within 24 hours of each other made me almost want to call the person from 10 years ago and say, "You were right. HA!!!!!"

But this is one of those situations where I know the truth about me, and that's plenty good enough.

okay, we all have weird dreams, but....

2004-08-16T22:52:00.000-07:00

....last night I dreamt that I went to Burning Man with Paris Hilton and Nicole Ritchie.

!!!!!!

Somehow we managed to get around the no ins/outs rule and holed up in a big hotel suite for our stay. In the spirit of creating our own theme camp, we pulled sheets and blankets over tables and chairs in our room.

I think my laughing actually woke me up!

Burning Man was my plan for this year, but I just sold my ticket last week to a woman who was buying it for her 14 year old daughter.

Instead of Black Rock City, Brad the Boyfriend and I are planning to head down to Bend, OR to see The Pixies & Death Cab for Cutie at this cool new riverside venue. After that, who knows: maybe some camping down there, up in Washington or some other adventure. Anything as long as Paris and Nicole* aren't included.

*("She is made of garbage," says my pal Dave Schmader about Ms. Ritchie. Once again, Dave makes sense of unbelievable horror.)

c 4 yerself

2004-08-10T23:03:00.000-07:00

A lot of people have asked me what it was like celebrating Morrissey's 40th birthday in his hometown of Manchester back in May.

Here then is a peek at part of the party. Good times.

"quicktime clip"

Homo a Go-Go!

2004-08-10T16:35:00.000-07:00

Swung down to Olympia with Brad the Boyfriend to check out this music/film/art festival. Never been to Olympia before, aside from a brief stop years ago when Paula, Katy, Fred and I toured the Olympia Brewery... and that is a whole different hysterical story. Anyway, the downtown area was cool but fairly quiet, it being a schoolnight when the college-age kids were mostly gone for the summer. Lots of dark, old timey, semi-scary bars and taverns that were a little ghostownish.

Maybe it was just due to the festival, but one thing Olympia did seem to have a lot of is a very lesbian vibe. Bagel shops and Subarus and big-boned gals. Weird little trinket gift stores with names like Pizzazz and Faerie Majick. Body odors galore.

We only saw two bands, but they were both awesome and highly recommended if you like a little art angst and irony with your not-even-indie rock.

"Veronica Lipgloss & the Evil Eyes"

"Screamclub"

"Homo A Go-Go"

Justice is served.

2004-07-22T10:56:00.000-07:00

Candace and I went to the Bite of Seattle last weekend. It's one of those deals where all sorts of different area restaurants set up a stand and serve up a few dishes. It was crowded but not horribly so, as the event was all spread out among Seattle Center (under the Space Needle.) There was plenty of room to wander around and check out the music on four different stages. And the best part of that was the stage where we first saw this band:

"Vital Signs"

which was pretty funny. Be cool or be cast out? Hardly.

But then we saw this band:

"Southern Justice"

and that's when things really got nuts.

By the time they finished their guitar-jam heavy encore (one guess which song it was) the ENTIRE audience was on its feet going crazy. Except for this very large woman who would get so excited that she would attempt to do a backwards somersault, heaving her monster ass up off the grass while wiggling her fleshy, butt-white legs in the air and thrashing her mulleted head back and forth in trailer trash ecstasy.

Justice was truly served, with a side of chili cheese fries and a Big Gulp Extreme.

mo' neuevo muzik

2004-07-08T22:57:00.000-07:00

Some stuff I've bought recently and really been enjoying:

The Killers - Hot Fuss. A Las Vegas band influenced by Duran Duran. Isn't that enough?

The Catch - After Party EP. Cute all-girl new-wavey band from Seattle. Saw them first at a lesbian bar's street party on Pride, then again opening for Hell's Belles, an AMAZING all-chick AC/DC cover band. I love girl drummers!

The Album Leaf - in a safe place. Imagine if Sigur Ros took the day off from wailing and lightened the fuck up for once.

The Helio Sequence - Love and Distance. Rockin' along with a few bleeps and bloops thrown in for good measure. Postal Service with more guitars. GREAT road trip music.

self-titled disc #1: 50 Foot Wave (the latest incarnation of Kristin Hersh)

self-titled disc #2: Mosquitos (Yo la Tengo meets Bebel Gilberto)

Salsoul Presents Disco Funk Flavas (the 12" mix of "First Time Around" by Skyy is STILL stuck in repeat)

DJ? What's a DJ?

Oh wait, I almost forgot something so good I had to buy it twice! (gave the first one away to a bartender who, in turn, comped me some really nice drinks) It's called Airflow and is a mix put together by some guy named Djamel Hammadi as the "soundtrack" to the Park Hyatt Tokyo Hotel, the same one seen in Lost in Translation. Sorry, no covers by Sausalito but quite a cool mix of music from Teddy Pendergrass to Japanpop.

get in touch with your inner eurotrash

2004-07-06T14:16:00.000-07:00

As posted on friendster by my posh pal Marc Spice:

HKG Counterfeit Italo Disco Mixes Online!!! MP3 streams!

Message:
God....I love them for doing all this!!

It makes work so.......italodisco-ey!

I feel as If Amanda Lear and Princess Stephanie
are working here along side me in the next
cubicles....drinking champagne and gossiping
about St.Tropez club life!

http://www.cultheroes.com/radio.html

http://www.hongkongcounterfeit.com

Spring Trip Part Two: Names, Sweetie

2004-06-17T15:35:00.000-07:00

I was referring to the London leg of my trip as the Singular Sensation Tour, in reference to seeing Sting, Cher and Morrissey perform in three consecutive nights. In keeping with that theme (and because the details are probably more than anyone really wants to know and/or way too much to write down) here's an abbreviated, name-dropping version of my incredible two-week trip:

Heathrow, Berkeley, Allison, Harrod’s, Hildon, Bellini, Betsy, Victoria & Albert, Vivienne, McClaren, Bond, Muji, Selfridges, Royal Albert, Rufus, Sting, Wembley, Cher, Virgin, Manchester, Morrissey, Rocco, Perignon, Islington, Frank, Aidan, Barry, Jerry! Jerry!, Patrick, Robmm, Soho, Drew, Tintin, Acupuncture, Wagamama, Essex, Tarantino, Nurofen, Vicodin, Domino’s, Ahmed, Dan, Emma, Jason, Kitten, Marco, Michelle, Nadia, Shell, Stuart, Vanessa, Victor, Spaz, Stella, Tate, Hopper, Ralph (pronounced “rayf”) Saatchi, Damien, Sherlock, Texas, Di, Willie, Dick, Paddington, Kennedy, Ashtef, Aurora.

Works for me.

Spring Trip Part One

2004-06-08T23:49:00.000-07:00

It’s stupid that I haven’t been updating my blog, considering the amount of cool stuff I’ve seen/done in the last month. But sometimes it’s a bit overwhelming just to put it all down, not to mention making it all semi-entertaining.

First, the bad news: my on-again, off-again back problems came back to bite me in the ass, literally. I’m now walking with a decidedly unsexy limp and generally in a lot of pain. And the other bad news is that a half-case of wine that pal Jamie tried to ship to me recently was refused due to stupid, stupid Washington state restrictions.

Could be worse, right?

The good news is that I’ve had a fucking blast over the past few weeks. And they sell Advil with codeine over the counter in the UK. And I’m home and seeing a specialist here in Seattle and hoping to finally make some progress on this back bullshit.

So yeah, after being “home” in Seattle for about a week after Coachella, I took off again.

First stop was “The Bay Area,” as they like to call it. With Nan off training to be a Special Agent, poor Jamie has been stuck all by his lonesome out in their fab house on the border of Berkeley/Oakland, so I flew down to kick it with my former college roomie.

Highlights included a trip out to the Russian River wine country (to pick up a case of wine we had purchased together a year before as a “future” at Barrel Tasting Weekend), kicking around his very cool hood, hitting a Sunset Magazine event to see the first-ever Glidehouse (I’ll be buying two of them) and spending a fun day and night with Pip and Taylor in Los Gatos. I think it’s safe to say that Jamie and I were the only ones with cocktails at Taylor’s softball game. Wow, those girls LOVE to steal bases! And this is fast-pitch softball, no underhand ho-humness for these girls. Sadly, Taylor’s team lost but they played well and had a much cooler cheering section.

SFMOMA is one of my all-time favorite museums and once again didn’t disappoint. Photography is a particularly strong area here, along with lots of installation pieces and even a whole wing devoted to cool design of the product/architecture sort. Always make the time and effort to hit this place.

A newer spot in SF that is also worth a visit is the Ferry Terminal Building, re-designed with the help of Jamie’s architecture firm along with several others. Finally, a cool and casual place to sit on the water, sip champagne and slurp up oysters. And there are plenty of other eating/drinking options as well.

Next stop, London….

Coachella 2004

2004-05-08T15:49:00.000-07:00

I was more than a little apprehensive over this year’s event due to the sellout crowds, but I really have to hand it to Goldenvoice – they made major improvements to the way things worked and handled it all incredibly well.

Dragged myself out of the Indianola’s pool on Saturday to catch a ride with a small group of early birders, in hopes of catching dios. Alas, I got there just in time to miss them. Softening that blow were the all-access passes I scored for Brad, Lisa and myself. We watched many of the bands that day from on the stage. Which might partly explain why The Stills were one of my Coachella highlights, they being the first band we caught after swinging through the VIP tent to say some hellos. Another reason I really dug The Stills was they were one of the few bands/Djs at Coachella that I had never seen before. The last reason: they fucking rocked.

Our shiny gold wristbands got us behind the stage for Beck’s set, which was cool but I was hoping for a bit more funky keyboard/beatbox stuff like he did at last year’s KCRW show. The dance tent was a sweatbox during most of the day, but we caught the last hour of Laurent Garnier and he was great, though Brad pointed out that every single year at Coachella we’ve heard a DJ drop New Order’s “Blue Monday” and this year was no exception. Watched some of Death Cab for Cutie’s set from on the stage but the vocal monitors were turned way down, so we waded out into the crowd for the second half.

Loved the Pixies and Radiohead and was pleasantly surprised at how good the main stage sound was, even way back – that was a major improvement over previous years. I didn’t notice much bleed-through from the DJ tent, at least from where I was standing, but other people were complaining about that later. Remember: you can always move! Beelined to Kraftwerk before Radiohead finished and managed to worm our way in to a super-packed tent. I’d seen em twice before but it was a blast once again, especially when the robots came out to play one encore and the humans returned for the second encore in their neon Tron suits.

Hit the Urb and SPIN afterparties, where free booze and more tunes flowed until after 3… I think? Things got a little blurry at that point, but I’m sure I wasn’t half as hammered as Alicia Silverstone and Fred Schneider of The B-52s, both of whom were (separately) staggering around the SPIN party all crazy-eyed and wobbly-legged.

Didn’t arrive to the show until almost 7 pm on Sunday, opting instead to recuperate and stay cool in the pool. Got there just in time for Air, who were pretty much perfect. The Flaming Lips were enjoyable but I was somewhat devastated to not hear “Do You Realize,” which was something I was really looking forward to, specifically at Coachella. Basement Jaxx were perfect for their evening time slot, the temperature dropping down enough to allow the crowd to go crazy.

And then came The Cure, which was surprisingly kind of a bummer. As I mentioned before, the main stage sound was very impressive the whole weekend, but for The Cure it seemed like the volume had been turned way down, making it really hard to get into. I saw them just last summer and they were amazing, so I blame something behind the scenes more than the band for a lackluster experience.

My most memorable moment came on Saturday, when Brad, Lisa and I were exiting a VIP area and walked past Beck, who was standing on a little ledge near the exit gate watching the Pixies. Brad stopped right in front of Beck, pulled out his camera and yelled to Lisa, “Hey Lisa! Look, it’s Beck! Do you want your picture with him?” I’m standing between Brad/Beck and Lisa, who is already through the exit gate, and watch as a look of sheer terror spreads over Beck’s face. Lisa looks at Brad, looks at Beck, then looks back at Brad, makes a funny sort of pained expression and shakes her head ‘no.’ Beck got off the hook that time.

Later that night, while exiting that same exact gate, Beck appeared once again and we waked out behind him and into the crowd for Radiohead. I thought it was really cool that he went out there by himself to get a closer look, and later he wound up standing right in front of us. Or so we thought, even pointing “Beck” out to a stranger I was standing next to… until we realized it wasn’t actually him.

See you there next year. You too, Beck.

Seattle Stories

2004-04-23T15:22:00.002-07:00

Just thought I would provide a rundown on my first week or so here:

-My whole move was admittedly timed around Grandaddy's arrival to Seattle. They had a night and a day before their show here, but my pal Aaron was pretty beat their first night here and the weather/timing didn't work out for me to take him and the band skateboarding the next day. So I just went to the show early, hung out with the band in their dressing room drinking beer, chatted with some guys from the Polyphonic Spree (who were also in town, opening for Bowie), enjoyed one of the best shows I've ever seen them play, then took Grandaddy and P. Spree and entourage to the Alibi Room for drinks. My head hurt a LOT the next day, but it was well worth it. Found out today that I was standing right next to a taper and he's sending me a cd.

-My friend Diana and I bought a 16 game series of Mariners tickets. I know, me at a baseball game... 16 of them! But Safeco Field is awesome and we have great seats in home run territory, on the aisle and close to the bars/exits. The women sitting next to us disappeared for three innings before returning to ask us, "Can you believe they don't sell Jagermesiter *anywhere* here?" The guys sitting in front of us accepted the nicknames "Pi" and "Hole" that we agreed on for them. I'm sure there will be more stories involving our seatmates as the season progresses.

-John Waters was in town doing one of his lecture/stand-up things, but he also appeared at a local gallery to talk about each piece in a show of his artwork culled from his current exhibit at the newmuseum in NYC.
http://www.gregkucera.com/waters.htm
I saw the show in NY and went to the gallery for his talk, which was both interesting and hysterical. He was like a funny little salesman, saying stuff like, "Anyone who has children needs this in their home, it will scare them into behaving" or "This is perfect for the office or prison cell" with a lot more detailed explanation of how each piece came about and what sources it was composed from. I bought a piece, had a book autographed, chatted with John a bit and wanted to take him to the Gay Wedding Expo (just to look and laugh-- it was a trade show!) at the Swedish Club (where I am also a member) but had to hit the road....

-... for Washougal, WA where my old friend Renee has moved her family, selling their place in the Portland 'burbs to buy an incredible 3.5 acre spread in the lush green mountains above the Columbia River gorge. In their backyard are two spring-fed pools, the larger heart-shaped one stocked with huge fish (sturgeon, kokanee and two kinds of trout) and the smaller one with koi and frogs. There's a dock on the large pond where I took a crack at fly fishing. To be continued. We spent the night by the fire pit outside, dancing and talking and laughing until after 3. Also, they're about 10 minutes away from some hot springs that are supposedly a renowned source for naturally-produced lithium that soaks right through your skin. Sounds relaxing, to say the least.

-One of my walking-distance neighborhood grocery stores has bread flown in from France every day.

-The weather reports are crap. They predict the worst and it rarely turns out that way. The warmest part of the day isn't until 3 or 4, but it stays that way for a while. That late afternoon/early evening time of night that feels like "happy hour" just lingers on and on.

-I was a major contributor the The Stranger's 101 Best Restrooms pullout section, a spoof of The Weekly's Best Restaurants pullout section that hit the streets the same day. My entries are generally the shorter ones, except for the Water Wheel Tavern.
http://www.thestranger.com/2004-04-22/ex.html

-I have driven up and back to Birch Bay twice (to set up a storage unit and later fill it up with stuff) but have yet to spend the night. It's a 90 minute drive.

In short: all is good.

Now, back to unpacking.

a funky full circle

2004-03-30T12:42:00.000-08:00

I saw Prince for the first time about 15 years ago.

The Lovesexy tour was performed in the round. Parked next to the stage was a huge, white Lincoln Continental.

Before the lights even went down, massive amounts of smoke started pouring out from under the stage, practically filling the entire floor section.

Finally the Lincoln next to the stage "started up," actually mounted on a hydraulic arm which raised the car above the fog. Inside the car were Prince and his entire band.

With the only light inside the sports arena coming from the Lincoln's interior and headlights, the car began to circle the stage. With the smoke and the darkness, it literally looked like the car was flying.

When it finally stopped, all you could hear over the screaming was a loud 'key in the ignition' buzz as the band stepped out of the car and onto the stage.

Naturally, I nearly wet my pants.

Last night, 15 years later, I saw Prince again. Again in the round, again with one of my oldest and closest friends who was with me that epic (albeit very blurry) first time.

Since it was only the second show of the tour, I don't want to give away too much. I know lots of my pals are planning to see it soon. For those that aren't: make plans to do so. Seriously. This is your chance to see/hear Prince in top form, performing all of his hits "for the last time" (he says now), and in the round for an incredible, all-encompassing concert experience. His band is so tight, his moves are amazing, and his music more than stands the test of time. An encore acoustic set was particularly worth the price of admission.

This time, his entrance was topped only by his exit. And the 2-hour funky jam session that led up to it was pretty spectacular too. Literally the entire Staples Center was on its feet for most of the show.

I should admit that last night's show also had an extra-sappy dose of meaning to me. I can't help but read a bit into these Prince-in-the-round concerts as coming full circle… since after 15 years of living in Los Angeles between the two, I'm saying goodbye.

Not a bad set of bookends. But unlike Prince, I plan to revisit my past frequently.

Best Bumper Sticker in the World

2004-03-24T10:28:00.000-08:00

It's your Hell - YOU burn in it!

-as seen in Eagle Rock last night.

American Castoff

2004-03-18T14:07:00.001-08:00

While I would never dream of entering any sort of televised abuse-a-thon like "American Idol" or "America's Next Top Model," I did partake in something almost as awkward and humiliating: trying to sell my unwanted clothes at Los Angeles thrift stores.

Started off at Crossroads in West Hollywood. The one advantage to this place is that you can drop off your stuff and come back a day or two later to see how you fared. And since Abe had told me "they take everything," I decided to make it my first stop. I dropped off 5-6 grocery/shopping bags and one huge duffel bag full of clothes. But I knew I was in trouble when I saw how little stock the store had for sale, and much of it was designer label. My wardrobe is decidedly Prada-free.

Returned yesterday to see that they had picked out just enough clothing to barely fill one plastic drugstore bag. But besides having to haul all my stuff back to the car, I also walked away with$17 and two free shirts (in trade). Just what I need when I'm trying to get rid of everything: more stuff.

Next, I went to Buffalo Exchange on La Brea. It was actually worse at first because the manager buyer lady was training a new girl, so they were openly discussing my fashion faux pas as part of a hideous training process. "It's realllllllly hard for us to take khaki," said the new girl with a pained expression. "Well this is different," she exclaimed, holding up a bowling shirt that their own racks were undoubtedly crammed with. Then she and her boss got into actual 'hushed whisper' discussion about the shirt. At least on "American Idol" they stab you in the chest, not in the back.

Then they got to my duffel bags full of shirts and suddenly I was the superstar. "We realllllllly need men's stuff, especially button-ups," said Manager Girl. I started pointing out brands, arguing for a better price on certain pieces. "I know you're buying for spring, but that's a one-of-a-kind Fred Perry sweater-- I really shouldn't even be selling it to you." I am such a non-haggler but it felt good to stick up for my threads.

Buffalo Exchange just opened a store in Long Beach, so I might take some of the leftovers down there on my way to San Diego this weekend. Apparently my denim wasn't "awesome" enough for Buffalo Exchange L.A. And some t-shirts were "great, but starting to fade." Isn't that the whole point of a thrift store t-shirt?

Last but not least, there's always Goodwill.

hello weho

2004-03-06T11:18:00.000-08:00

After catching a Grandaddy gig at the House of Blues last night with Abraham (who might finally understand my admiration for everything related to that band) we decided to see what else was going on in West Hollywood. I don’t think either of us had been out on a Friday night in WeHo for years.

First stop was Revolver, as it almost always was back when we hung out in WeHo regularly. This guy named Sham (yes, Sham) has started a new club there called Gossip. Sham is apparently Angelyne’s personal assistant, and she was reportedly there last week along with Andy Dick and the dancing midget from “Twin Peaks.” That’s my kind of VIP list. Last night’s overhyped guest star was James St. James of Party Monster fame.

We showed up around 11:15 and it was pretty dead. Held out until about 11:30, just long enough to see JstJ and Sham make their awkward entrance into a semi-empty room. It actually reminded me of Angelyne's art opening that I went to years ago, where she burst into the packed gallery, threw her arms up in the air and exclaimed, "I'm Here!!" Myself and about two other people who happened to be near the door were the only ones who noticed. I really liked that show, but I heard from several different people that none of the paintings were actually done by her. Does it even matter?

We ended up taking a little trip down memory lane and hitting some other bars along the boulevard. Have you seen the 'shower cube' they have at Micky's for go-go guys to dance in? Unreal. We were wondering what temperature the water was at, and what the guy inside did to keep his tips from getting soaked. Even better was this really hot, beefy dude dancing not in briefs or a g-string but instead wearing black long underwear, with the back of the waistband pulled down under his butt.

More on the ugly and unpleasant side was Mother Lode, where we were initially taken aback to see that the same guy is still tending the back bar, and still pouring out those cheap juicy shots of whatever after umpteen-many years. I wish I could remember the exact comment Abe made about what kind of crowd the Mother Lode attracts, because it was still so true. Different now are all these cheap, hand-painted dayglo cardboard signs hanging everywhere-- it looked like a high school dance for the short bus set. It was a weird enough environment to try and be comfortable in, and then this whole group of gay deaf people showed up and shortly afterwards things got really messy.

I was in the toilet waiting to use the loo when this girl burst in with a guy who promptly began projectile vomiting in the piss trough. That was bad, really bad, and several guys waiting to pee fled the scene with their hands over their mouths and faces.

As the drama unfolded in technicolor glory, two deaf guys on line in front of me starting wildly 'speaking' to each other in sign language. I don't know much about sign language, but one of them made it clear that they should get the fuck outta there immediately. The other one protested, indicating through sign language and that sort of verbal half-speak peculiar to deaf people that he "had to poo poo."

Clearly, that was my cue to leave. A memorable night, but I think my last in West Hollywood for another long while.

Lovely parting gifts

2004-02-20T19:03:00.000-08:00

In my recent guest stint as writer of Last Days (filling in for the uber-amazing David Schmader, who masterfully creates the column every week for The Stranger) I mentioned a hilarious elevator encounter with Bob Barker, host of the perennial TV favorite "The Price is Right."

Incredibly, I received a number of emails requesting the full story behind my run-in with Mr. Barker. It's really the kind of story that is best performed rather than described (and I should have an honorary Oscar by now for the number of times I've acted it out) but now, FOR THE VERY FIRST TIME IN SOME FORM OF PRINT!!!, here it is.

After seeing a doctor at the UCLA medical center, I took an elevator down to where my car was parked. The first thing I noticed upon entering the elevator was blood on the floor. It totally freaked me out yet I couldn't tear my eyes away, not even to look at the other man in the elevator for acknowledgement of the grossness.

The elevator stopped at the first level of the parking structure. The man and I both stepped out… and we both stopped, standing in the elevator lobby, looking through the windows at the rows of cars parked beyond. Apparently this guy was in the same predicament I was, unable to remember where the car was parked. I looked at the man and suddenly recognized him as Bob Barker.

"I'm not sure if this is my floor…" Bob said to me, perhaps feeling it was okay to confide in me as I was clearly stuck in the same boat. "Same here," I replied. I finally made a decision and jumped back into the elevator just as the doors were closing, leaving Bob behind. I took it down one level, saw my car and walked to a payphone just outside the elevator lobby.

As I was dialing, Mr. Barker emerged from the elevator. He saw his car, then me, and said, "I guess I picked the wrong floor." To which I replied, "Wah, wah, wah-wah," in the style of a Price is Right 'losers' sound effect. How my brain managed to react that way, that fast, is still astonishing to me.

Mr. Barker was also a bit taken aback by my unusual response, until I added, "Someone should've told us to come on down." And with that he let out a HUGE laugh, slapped me on the back and laughed all the way to his maroon town car.

The end.

Wedding Bells By the Bay

2004-02-17T17:53:00.000-08:00

The more I keep following the news of what is going on in San Francisco, the more I want to jump on a plane and be there. It just seems like such a pivotal moment in history. It also looks like a lot of fun, even with the rain and party-pooper protestors.

And voila! Ten minutes ago, Abraham called to say that the call has been put out for any available ordained ministers to help perform ceremonies. "They're desperate!" said Abe. No wonder he thought to call me.

I got ordained through the Universal Life Church last year to perform the wedding ceremony for my friends Brad & Lisa, and am still a card-carrying member of the ministry. I think I might try and go up this weekend and put my ministerial powers to work. Colonel Keith Bacon to the rescue!

(I paid an extra 10 bucks for the honorary title of Colonel. I figured it was my one chance to have a military title, just like the rest of my family.)

"link to some great pix on SFgate.com"

Best thing I bought last week.

2004-02-16T16:45:00.000-08:00

Join the Dots, a four-disc set of b-sides and rarities from The Cure, with liner notes including many insights and observations from Robert Smith.

Soooooo good! In addition to the music (many tracks of which I loved when released on the cassette - yes, cassette! -- version of Standing on the Beach) the liner notes are very detailed and interesting. The things that are remembered and revealed about these obscure tracks are pretty amazing, especially when The Cure's well-known penchant for hard partying is taken into account. I can barely remember my freshman year of college, though I doubt I have come close to ever living the lifestyle of an actual rock star.

I also bought the soundtrack to "Beyond the Valley of the Dolls" last week, but haven't even opened it yet.

-k

NYC sightings

2004-02-10T23:19:00.001-08:00

Last weekend wasn't the first time I'd ever flown across the country just to see a performance, but it was the first time I'd done it to see a show that was closing due to low ticket sales and poor reviews.

The show was "Taboo," a Broadway musical set in the 80's London club scene that tells the mostly-true stories of several prominent figures from that time and place, including Leigh Bowery, Phillip Sallon and Boy George.

Originally the plan was to see the final performance on Sunday night, but we ended up getting amazing seats minutes before the Saturday night show. The US version of the show received mostly bad reviews (the UK version ran for two years) but I found it quite entertaining. There were some good songs, nice performances, it told some very interesting stories and had the most amazing costumes. Really glad I made the effort to see it before it closed.

Criticisms would include a second act that started out feeling clichéd (but got a lot better) and a few weak spots talent-wise, though one of the actors I thought was awful in the first act turned it around after the intermission. The guy who played Boy George was by far the best, while Boy George himself (playing Leigh Bowery) was a bit flat in areas.

The next day we caught another show on its closing weekend, this one an exhibit at the Met entitled Bravehearts: Men in Skirts. It included authentic historical examples and modern re-interpretations from all sorts of big-name designers. There were quite a few outfits that were actually worn, designed and/or donated by several of the characters from "Taboo." It took some time and neck-craning to read all the history behind each outfit but was well worth it. The short version of the story (pun intended) is that skirts used to be perfectly acceptable wear for men (and still are in many places) but today are still stuck in a feminine-stigma limbo. Me, I want a UtiliKilt soon.

Later that day down in Soho we caught another exhibit, this one having just opened at the New Museum. It's a collection of John Waters' artwork and early films. Being a huge John Waters fan this was a real treat for me, and much of what I saw had me (and many others) laughing out loud. Most of the pieces were assembled from snapshots John has taken of images on his TV, then ordered or organized in some brilliant, usually funny way. There was also a photographic recreation of his office and a complete list of his library collection. The show will be running through at least April, so be sure to see it if you're out that way.

Also while in NYC, I saw Aaron Peterson, Chad Blankenship, the wonderful bars of the Maritime and Hudson hotels and all sorts of unmentionable activities at another bar known simply (and appropriately) as The Cock.

Me Versus Technology

2004-01-04T22:51:00.000-08:00

In the past week or so I have...

-blown out a car stereo speaker. That's what I get for listening to too many mash-ups, too loudly.

-found that's what left of my car stereo system has suddenly begun to refuse my iPod adapter. Definitely no more mash-ups.

-watched as my DVD player began rejecting brand new discs.

-sent my desktop computer to the shop after it decided not to turn on one morning.

-discovered that my laptop's built-in CD burner is not working.

-lost my cell phone. On the Matterhorn at Disneyland, the Happiest Place on Earth.

I get the feeling someone is trying to tell me something. Hopefully the Abominable Snowman will find my phone and pass on any messages.

p.s. I did manage to figure out shn files!

ho ho hos

2003-12-15T15:29:00.000-08:00

I must be getting old. I bowed out of my plan to play Santa all day Saturday (link to Santarchy), then catch a plane to Seattle and party all night. It was partly due to the long recovery period I endured after the Playboy TV holiday party at the Playboy Mansion on Thursday night. I have some funny pix of me in "the grotto" and some of the swinging 70s style "playrooms." Don't worry, I am fully clothed in the pictures. It was actually a really fun party, though the tragic parade of old-timer Playmates was a little frightening. I commented to my client that a lot of them looked like the wives from "The Sopranos," and 10 minutes later what celeb should we spot but Steven Van Zandt, who appeared to be wearing a carpet, split to his navel, along with his trademark headwrap. Hugh himself was also there and I got to say hello.

Hope that Hef doesn't mind that I borrowed a big bottle of aspirin from his medicine cabinet in the gameroom. I was taking some over to a girl who was so out her mind wasted that I thought she should start treating her for-sure hangover right away. Forgot the bottle was in my pocket and it ended up at home with me. I popped a couple of the pills the next day, for my mansion-sized hangover, then added the rest (with an identifying note of origin) into the Painkiller Party Pak that I put together, including some vicodin, percocet, lemon-lime alka seltzer and a muscle relaxant. It was my contribution for the notorious "crap with wrap" gift exchange at Mike & Diana's infamous annual Christmas party up in Seattle on Saturday night, which I flew up for to make a surprise appearance at.

Other notable presents that emerged from under the tree included: a fully-cooked, beautifully presented meat mold, shaped like a little boy, made entirely of dog food, eventually flung out the back door; a twice-worn Halloween costume that had been 'seal-a-meal'-ed to preserve its smoky, sweaty, booze-soaked aroma; a furry purple sombrero fringed with multi-colored hanging doodads; and not one but two vintage vibrators. What else do you expect from a party where everyone starts dancing the moment someone finally plays "Merry Go Round" by Eve Plumb, also known as 'Jan's Breakout Hit' from The Best of the Brady Bunch cd.

In the grand tradition of my 'open your mouth as wide as you can' portraits (and also the meat football that started it all), I got a lot of nice shots of party people posing together with a box of Good Friends cereal. Also to be put up on the web, somewhere, somehow, sumday.

Kinda wishing I had kept that bottle of aspirin, just for the way my head feels.

KCRW - Sounds Eclectic Evening

2003-11-25T11:32:00.000-08:00

Caught this show at the Universal Ampitheatre on Saturday night. I almost sold my seats (dead center, 12th row) to head up to Seattle, but now I'm glad I stuck around.

Desey and I got there early enough to catch all the acts. Gary Jules was good, though he played his cover of "Mad World" on guitar instead of piano and it suffered a bit. Jem played a short 3-song set (introduced by what appeared to be a very constipated Jason Bentley) and was okay but needs to lose the American Idol moves. Her band was a guy on bass/guitar and a DJ.

Liz Phair did nothing for me, but there was a guy a few rows behind us that couldn't stop screaming for her. Surprise guest Shelby Lynne was great, especially the song she wrote "40 years too late for Patsy Cline."

As for Beck, he was worth the price of admission alone. I was so very happy to hear some songs from "Sea Change" played exactly the way they should've been: solo acoustic. An extended beatbox & keyboard jam (including a mash of "Hot in Here" with "Where It's At") balanced out the set with some funky fun. balance to the set And his 70s cop/porn star mustache is hot.

Jurassic 5 followed and kept the energy up, managing to get the very white and middle aged KCRW crowd on their feet. Damien Rice was definitely the surprise hit, kind of like an Irish upcountry Thom Yorke with a kick-ass band, among them a spookily beautiful backup singer who was like a cross between Bjork and the singer from Mazzy Star. At Damien's insistence, they turned all the stage lights off for one of his songs, eventually the plunging the entire ampitheatre into near-total darkness. Never, ever seen that happen before.

The afterparty was fun but brrrrrr - it was freezing that night. The ugly, boy-in-a-plastic-bubble tent served its purpose in function if not form. Didn't do a whole lot of dancing there, just mixing & mingling with random people who happened to be sitting by us, including a girl who somehow fell backwards onto a little round seat that was covered in cocktails, causing a huge explosion of ice and booze and plastic that would've sucked to suffer thorough if it hadn't been so funny.

Wacko Jacko Everywhere

2003-11-19T22:16:00.000-08:00

Here in L.A. it's ALL MICHAEL, ALL THE TIME on every local news broadcast. Seriously! I watched a solid hour of non-stop coverage, with no mention of anything else. The funniest/saddest part was that there was really nothing to report. Most of the attention was focused on a live shot of a plane that MJ may or may not have been aboard. You could tell the networks were just itching for an OJ-style getaway attempt.

Beyond that, there were some interviews with Vegas-based MJ impersonators, Santa Barbara locals, a Tammy Faye lookalike who was identified as president of Michael's fan club (along with her 12 year-old son, standing in the street with a 'We Love You Michael' sign) and, of course, an outraged Gloria Allred.

It was even the top story on the ABC Nightly News, and you could tell that Peter Jennings was PISSED. When they went back to him after the story on King of Pop, his blatantly bitter comment was, "And now, on to the president, and the war." All that was missing was, "Ohhhhkayyyyyyyy."

There's been some mention from the press and Michael's camp about the odd timing of all this: his new cd came out today, the same day arrest warrants were issued.

That coincidental trend actually started for me yesterday, when this all began with a police raid of Neverland Ranch. That same night I hit the BPM Magazine party, where DJ Dan and Charles Feelgood were spinning an all 80's bootleg and remix set.

The first time I ever heard Charles spin was a couple years ago at this lame party where he dropped an awesome boot of MJ's "Rock with You." It got me wondering how many more might be out there, and after a few months of searching and selecting, I compiled a cd called "Wacko Jacko" of my favorite cuts. It was (and still is) quite the hit.

That "Rock With You" remix was played twice last night, along with plenty of other bootlegged, ripped-off remixes. But I guess Michael has bigger problems now than losing royalties.

Could the Valley be cool?

2003-11-17T14:56:00.000-08:00

To me, the Valley will always be cool for the uncool stuff, as summarized by
this statement from a recent LA Times article on the subject:

"so lame it's actually kind of neat"

But I've been known to be wrong. Like, once or twice, maybe.

link to LA Times article

or:

http://www.calendarlive.com/nightlife/cl-wk-cover13nov13,2,1211783.story?coll=cl-nightlife-features

Creepy Consumerism

2003-11-02T23:12:00.000-08:00

I found myself at a Best Buy in San Diego early this morning, having remembered while on a visit down there that tomorrow is my brother's birthday. I got there a bit before it opened and there were 10-12 people waiting outside. When they finally opened the doors to let us in, the entire staff was standing just inside... and they applauded us for a full 20 seconds or so as we entered the store. It was so fucking weird and oddly embarrassing.

Also, this might be obvious to some, but if you're in the market for a fog machine, strobe light, glow stuff, wacky wigs or silly outfits/accessories (as I always seem to be) now is the time to get them at any of those Halloween superstores. I hit a huge one today by the Citadel outlets, just south of downtown on the 5, and got a lot of good stuff for dirt cheap. Who knew that Elvira had her own brand of press-on nails? Or that marshmallow "Peeps" also come in vampire bat variety?

Last but not least, pal Tally called me from a thrift store in Westwood today where he'd found an interesting book about wine. The inscription inside reads, "Nicole- Drunk on your love. O.J." I quickly reminded Tally that he still hasn't given me a present for my birthday two weeks ago.

-k